Tuesday, 1 May 2012

10 Reasons Why I Couldn't Be A Crunchy Granola Momma

I first heard the term “granola” (in reference to something other than food) when I was about thirteen years old in Junior High School.  The word was used to describe my sense of style (or lack thereof, I suppose), and I was a little disappointed as it certainly wasn’t the look I was going for. The popular clothes at that time at my school were those excessively girlie, Clueless-inspired outfits. Think: short skirts, knee high socks, feather boas, and pastel coloured Mary Janes.  Being called “granola” in a sea of glammed up, lipstick-wearing pre-adolescent girls was an unequivocal insult, but I probably was a little crunchy (both in dress and in personality), and looking back, it kind of makes me proud.

Since those accidental granola days, I have grown up to become decidedly mainstream, but I like to think that I still have a little crunch in my cardigan. After all, I was a vegetarian for most of my life (I’m now an almost-vegetarian, as I started eating chicken) and I do make my own (mostly organic) baby food, but it pretty much stops there.   

Growing up in downtown Toronto, I’ve always been quite familiar with the “bohemian”/ “hippie” subculture- if you can even call it a subculture- but since becoming a mom, I have realized that there is a whole other manifestation of this culture in the world of motherhood, and I am just now starting to learn about it.
I must say, I really respect the true crunchy mommas.  Okay, well some of the really radical crunchsters are a bit kooky, but for the most part, the so-called granola moms are just regular, good people who care about the environment, promote equality and free-thinking, and work hard to raise their children in a natural and healthy manner that reflects these values. Unfortunately, I realize that I’m just not cut out to be one of them. Here’s why:

1. I'm way too lazy to do cloth diapers. Plus, I'm addicted to Pampers reward points, and if I ditched the disposables now, I'd never get enough points for that $10 Starbucks gift card I've been saving up for- which leads me to Reason #2.

2.  I love Starbucks. Big bad corporate Starbucks with their delicious overpriced lattes that smell like shopping malls at Christmas time. Mmmm.

3.  And speaking of smell, what’s patchouli, anyway?

4.  Pregnancy did not make me feel beautiful. Waddling around with fat ankles, puking in public bathrooms, and stuffing my fat face with fried chicken just didn’t make me feel like some kind of radiant fertility goddess- but that’s just me.

5.  I suck at breastfeeding. No pun intended.

6.  I kill insects, and by “kill insects”, I mean I jump three feet in the air, scream, and get someone to kill them for me.  I really hope my daughter isn’t afraid of insects, so that as soon as she is old enough, she can kill them for me. And yes, I will be teaching her to kill them, not to just set them free outside where they can break in to my house again.

7.  I let my baby watch TV. You know, just a little bit, when I’m watching. It’s educational, I swear! ADHD isn’t real, right?

8.  I believe that triple chocolate cheesecake is a food group, and is a perfectly acceptable breakfast food. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if you eat it with your hands, there aren’t any calories in it. Baby-led weaning types, take heed!

9.  My baby has toys. Lots of toys. Not some assortment of items that she strung together while frolicking through a field of dandelions, but actual plastic, Made In China, bought at Toys R Us toys. And I like them.

10.  Epidural- enough said

All kidding aside, there are times when I feel like maybe I should be just a little bit crunchier because most of the ideas of natural parenting really do fit with my value system, but I also realize that I’m just a cake-for- breakfast, insect-killing, Starbucks-drinking kind of girl, and I’m okay with that.



21 comments:

  1. God I love this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Totally, particularly #8 and # 10 ;)


    http://stanfordwife.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. I totally agree with number 4. New follower.
    http://newyearsresolutionexercise.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. So funny. Agreed on all of them---especially the Pampers rewards and the epidural:)

    http://msmessetc.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. HA! I love this list! I'm right with you on most of these, especially Starbucks and killing bugs and chocolate cake. Good for you for doing the homemade, "mostly organic" baby food thing.

    Just discovered your blog through the Bloggy Moms June Blog Hop and subscribed to your feed. Keep it coming! You can check us out at merelymothers.com. I think you'll find we're not too crunch ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, thanks so much for the comment. I just checked out your blog, and it's great! Your content is really well-written and the look of the website is very professional!

      Delete
  6. HA! I love this list! I'm right with you on most of these, especially Starbucks and killing bugs and chocolate cake. Good for you for doing the homemade, "mostly organic" baby food thing.

    Just discovered your blog through the Bloggy Moms June Blog Hop and subscribed to your feed. Keep it coming! You can check us out at merelymothers.com. I think you'll find we're not too crunchy ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. HA! I love this list! I'm right with you on most of these, especially Starbucks and killing bugs and chocolate cake. Good for you for doing the homemade, "mostly organic" baby food thing.

    Just discovered your blog through the Bloggy Moms June Blog Hop and subscribed to your feed. Keep it coming! You can check us out at merelymothers.com. I think you'll find we're not too crunchy ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. HA...I'm semi-crunchy. We do the whole cloth diapering, breastfeeding, cosleeping thing. That said...I like TV and it's on kinda all the time. I tried to love wooden lovely natural toys, but eff that kids dig on the bright ugly plastic. Whatever works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Whatever works"- exactly! Thanks for your comments!

      Delete
  9. Absolutely! I cannot fathom not letting kids watch tv. Seriously kids need a break from their chuck e cheese aka. my living room so I can regroup my sanity...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. My daughter is not old enough to "get" TV yet, but once she is, you'd better believe I will let her watch a bit here and there.

      Delete
  10. It sounds like you'll do what most of us do, and find a balance that works for your family. I've never considered myself a granola type, but I breastfed all of my babies for the first year, and now make all of our bread and yogurt because I enjoy doing it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Making your own bread and yogurt? Wow! I'm impressed! :)

      Delete
  11. Sometimes starbucks are cheescake are the only answers. Such a funny blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! :) Mmmmm. Now I'm thinking about Starbucks and Cheesecake...Where'd I put my car keys?

      Delete
  12. Sometimes starbucks are cheescake are the only answers. Such a funny blog!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Totally awesome! You were one of the most-clicked links at last week's #findingthefunny. Featuring you tomorrow and pinning this. Thanks for linking up!
    Anna @ My Life and Kids

    ReplyDelete
  14. How did I miss this when it originally went out? This is brilliant and I love that you still have a little crunch in your cardi, but agree--Pampers rewards codes are a tremendously addictive sway against those cloth diapers. I keep stockpiling mine--do you think we'll be able to cash in for a car someday??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be awesome. Buying a gas guzzling SUV with disposable diapers points = not at all crunchy (but I certainly wouldn't feel bad about it!)

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...