Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Stuff People Say To New Moms


Since becoming a mom, I have noticed that there are a lot of people who have the annoying habit of asking really annoying/intrusive/just-plain-dumb questions, and making really annoying/intrusive/just-plain-dumb comments.  

That being said, I am probably guilty of saying some (many?) inappropriate things to other moms, so I’m certainly not an expert in mommy etiquette. What I do know is that the following questions/comments are particularly annoying:

“It only gets harder the older they get.”

Thank you. Thank you for that completely useless piece of information. 
 
“Don’t you think letting your baby cry it out (CIO) will cause long-term brain damage and ADHD?

            No. I don’t. And do you really think I would have done it if I believed it did any harm?

“Aren’t you going to sign her up for any classes?”

           Um, she’s a baby. She chews her feet, and watches the ceiling fan as if it were freaking Cirque de
           Soleil. Sure, I might sign her up for some mom and tot classes, but you know what? I might not.  I
           don’t know, maybe she won’t get into Harvard because I didn’t sign her up for baby mathletes, but
           I’ll take my chances.

“Is she (insert milestone of your choice here) yet?” 


           No, she’s not walking yet. No, she’s not talking yet. No, she’s not inventing the flying car (yet). But,
           now that you mention it, I’m starting to get worried that she’s behind on her milestones. I know I’m
           overreacting, and this is a totally innocent question, but it’s the kind of questions that is really un-fun
           to answer, when the answer is “No.”

Your body will never be the same now that you’ve had a baby.”

 
           Just because your ass grew to the size of Texas while you were pregnant and it stayed that way
           doesn’t mean you have to bring me down with you. First of all, lots of  some women do get their
           pre-pregnancy bodies back, and even though I’m not one of them, please don’t ruin my fantasy.
           I’m still convinced that the washboard abs I had when I was 12 are under the flab somewhere,
           getting ready to make their comeback.

“How do you like being a mom?” 
       
          So for the record, I think being a mom is more awesome than cheesecake, but what if I didn’t like  
          being a mom? Let me demonstrate through a hypothetical exchange between a mom and an  
          Annoying Question Asker

Annoying Question Asker: “Congratulations on your new baby! How do you like being a mom?”
            Mom: “Actually, it kind of sucks.”

          Clearly, this would put a bit of a damper on the conversation. I’m pretty sure there’s only one
          acceptable way to answer this question, so unless you are comfortable hearing about how someone
          hates being a mom (which some women do), then just don’t ask!

“You really need to take some time for yourself”

         Thanks. I never thought of that. All this time, it never even occurred to me that it might be nice to take
         a shower, or watch an episode of The Real Housewives, or (dare I say it) sleep in. I really don’t
         know why this didn’t occur to me. In fact, I think I’ll go get a pedicure right this second. Oh wait, the   
         baby.

71 comments:

  1. Seriously...the stuff people STILL say to me is bonkers! Thanks for sharing...it reminds so many of us that we are not in this alone!

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  2. The one I've been getting most frequently is, "So, do you think you'll have another?" As if a stranger needs to know whether or not I intend to give my SIX MONTH old baby a sibling.

    I vow here and now in this comment I will NEVER ask silly questions or give useless advice to other Moms!

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  3. For the record, I personally think it only gets EASIER the older they get. So yes, that is completely useless advice. ;)

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    1. I think so too! Although, I wouldn't really know, but I do know that a 10 month old is waaaay easier than a newborn. The challenges are just different as kids get older, but NOTHING can compare to the sleep deprivation of having a newborn. If you can handle that, you can handle anything.

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  4. Great post! I think people often make stupid comments to new parents because they just want to talk to you and find out little things about the baby like their name and age. People often comment on my daughters name which is annoying but I've learned to deal with it. I've been asked "how do you spell it?", "where is it from?", "where are you from?". Her name isn't out there its just a little uncommon.
    The question that drove me nuts at the beginning was "how is nursing going?". Which then I would have to explain WHY i wasn't which is SO annoying!
    Sometimes I want to wear a sign saying "just because i have a baby doesn't mean I want to talk to you".

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    1. Ugh, YES! I HATE it when people ask about breastfeeding. I actually had something in this post about that initially, but I took it out because I was trying to keep the post more lighthearted. But yes, I really hate it when people I hardly know ask me about breastfeeding. Soooo inappropriate.

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  5. My favorite is your answer to "How do you like being a mom?" Would I just love to see the look on someone's face after telling them ,"It kind of sucks!"
    I agree that sometimes those questions/statements are meant to start a convo, or to empathize. But sometimes they're mompetition and that makes me violent.

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  6. I'm 34 weeks pregnant (aka crazy hormonal) and so sick of all the advice/downright interference in how I raise my children. I'm also kind of sick of all the redundant questions I get asked when I'm pregnant: http://supermommyornot.blogspot.com/2012/07/clearing-air.html

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  7. My favorite of all time occured once while grocery shopping with my then 6 month old. A nice enough elderly couple walked over to my infant who was content in her carseat and began talking to her. When she began to cry the woman aked "Doesn't she have any grandparents?" Ummm... yes but you are strangers, so.... Really? Having grandparents makes children love ALL older people?

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    Replies
    1. Seriously?! That is insane! I can't believe someone actually said that. So stupid on so many levels.

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  8. long term brain damage? haha- that's funny. everyone is s sweet and helpful right???

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  9. When my little one was about 6 weeks old I took her to Walmart with me to get some essentials (diapers, etc.). I got soooo many comments about how little she was (she was 6 pounds 7 ounces when she was born which is not THAT small). They seemed to have this attitude like they couldn't believe I would take my wee little baby out in public so soon. Apparently you are just suppose to stay home until they they can sit in the shopping cart on their own....

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, Shayna, how dare you leave the house with a 6 week old baby! ;)
      People are so weird. And for the record, 6 pounds, 7 ounces is really not that small. Not that it matters. Moms with newborns should be APPLAUDED every time they manage to leave the house! Good for mom and good for baby.

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  10. Amen to all of them! I love the "it only gets harder" one esp.--seriously?! What am I supposed to do with that?? Would chat more, but my 12 mo. IS off building her flying car, and I have to go see if she needs a hand...

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  11. Or when people press you on "hot topics": did you have her naturally? are you nursing? are you only going organic? you are making all of her baby food right? you are definitely cloth diapering right? Filters people! It's none of anyone's business!

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    Replies
    1. AbsolUUUUUUtely! Some people are just looking to find ways in which you are "failing".

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  12. I've heard them all! Stupid people, stupid questions! Right now, with a 6 & 2 year old, everyone is badgering me about having another one. I guess since I have two boys I'm required to try at least one more time for a girl.

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  13. I get a lot of "just wait 'til he's a teenager!" Except I'm afraid that one is probably true.

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  14. I love the question about signing up for classes. I'm thoroughly convinced that there's NOTHING my daughter will learn in any of these silly classes that I can't teach her myself (and do a better job of it!). Plus, they're EXPENSIVE. Classes? Yeah, right.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, exaaaactly! I don't feel like I need some overpriced gimmicky program to educate my daughter. I think I do a damn good job of it myself. And the whole socialization argument to classes doesn't hold any weight, because you can go to play groups...for free!

      I'm glad to know that a teacher agrees with me on this one! Thanks Evanthia! :)

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  15. Ha! I have three boys so I always get "Were you trying for that girl?" (Well yes I wanted a girl, but I didn't get it, so stop rubbing it in!) I also get "How do you manage?" I want to scream: VODKA BITCH! :) Oye. Getting worked up.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahah! That would shut them up. :)

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  16. Hilarious! I've heard sooo many of these. You'd think some of these comments are past their shelf life, but apparently not *le sigh*

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  17. LOL I like the last one: "Oh wait.. the baby."
    Kristen @ Trial & Error Homemaking

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  18. Haha. Loved reading this, especially your reference to the baby chewing her feet and watching the ceiling Dan as though it were the cirque de soleil. Thanks for linking up with the mommy brain mixer today!

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  19. So great. Let me kow when she invents the flying car. Can I put in apre-order now?

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    Replies
    1. For sure! It's a long waitlist though! ;)

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  20. Hello Laura! Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am really new to the "blog" scene and don't find much time to write but I am trying! Loved the post! I think being a mom is better than cheesecake as well! Following you :)

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  21. LOL! I am peeing in my pants because I have heard these at one time or another. I try to roll my eyes but these are great responses!!! LOVE this post!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, in real life I just roll my eyes or say "uh-huh" and walk away. If only I could think on my feet!

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  22. I love your list! So funny. My favourite is "it only gets harder" or when you have more than one people start to tell you it must be easier for you because your kids are 10 days further apart than theirs.

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    Replies
    1. Hahah. I haven't heard that one. Probably because I just have one. That's funny though. I don't know why some people like to make everything a competition.

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  23. I love unsolicited advice. Somehow people hear "I'm pregnant" and take that as an invitation to be a part of every parenting decision you make for the rest of your life. What I love even more is advice on how to raise my little man from people without children!

    http://www.everydaywaiting.com

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  24. Lawrd...I so don't miss the days of unsolicited advice or annoying questions from when my kiddos were babies! Loved this! Thank you for following me!

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  25. ha ha ha! Love it! so true

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  26. Ha! great post - and oh so true...
    new follower - hope to get a follow back

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  27. oh these are just too true. and incredibly ridiculous!! love your blog! found you from the mommy-brain mixer. Would love for you to come over for a visit! :)
    http://lifeonmavenue.blogspot.com/2012/08/week-of-lasts.html

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  28. THIS POST. Loved it. Everything is so true. And frankly, there are some days where I don't like being a mom (Okay, I love it about 99.99% of the time)...but really, sometimes I wish I actually could run out to get a pedicure right this second or something instead of having to plan it out for three weeks from now. And by the time three weeks comes around, I'll either forget or the baby will puke on me when I'm trying to leave or the babysitter will cancel.

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  29. I enjoyed your response to "How do you like being a mom?" I might just have to use that one! I think I get more irritated by all of the people that stop to ask my screaming toddler "What's wrong?" as I tote her through the store. Oh the things I could say to them!

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    Replies
    1. That sounds super annoying. I haven't encountered that one yet, but I'm sure I will. The answer will always be "She's a baby. Babies cry".

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  30. This post cracked me up. I love it. When the twins were babies, if I had a dime for everyone who asked if they were twins, I'd be rich. My other favorite is when they would ask my husband-- who was sitting there-- if he was the father. Sometimes I would feel evil and say, "No, they are my boyfriend's."

    Found you on the Mommy Mixer. Newest follower and would love a follow back.

    www.momontherunx2.com

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  31. These responses are great...I get so tired of the same questions over and over.. as someone mentioned above I think the worst is when baby is crying and every stops to ask him what is wrong..ugh! Thanks for laugh.

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  32. I can't believe the number of random people who have asked me, 1. Did you have an epidural, and 2. Are you breastfeeding. How on earth are these appropriate questions to ask a stranger? And you know they aren't asking for any reason other than to judge. Sheesh!

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    1. I know exactly. One of my biggest pet peeves is when strangers ask if I'm breastfeeding. I'm pumping exclusively so how on earth do I answer that one? Not that it's any of their business.

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    2. Totally none of their business....but if your baby is drinking breast milk, I'd say you most definitely are breastfeeding!

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    3. Thanks for saying that. That's the way I see it too.

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  33. Ha Ha Ha!! You are damn right!! People are just too funny..

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  34. Yes, yes, YES!! That is all I can say to this fabulous post!! Love it!!! Thanks for linking up my friend!

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  35. how true!! I had 8 children...can you even imaging the stuff people said to me?

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    Replies
    1. I imagine you've heard it all by now!

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  36. Try having twins... GOOD GOD people, leave me alone to get through the store.

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  37. I loved this blog. So many useless questions from so many uninformed bozo's! My youngest is in a wheelchair and I get "I don't know how you do it" all the time. I mean ALL the time! My gut reaction is to say "I stay drugged" but I don't say it. What was I supposed to do, park him on the curb? Duh.....

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    Replies
    1. Oh, that must be soooo annoying. I admire you for not saying the snarky comments that you're thinking in your head.

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  38. Love this post! People say the funniest/weirdest things :)

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  39. Just wanted to let you know that I chose you for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Check out my blog when you can for the post on it. Thank you.

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  40. This is so funny! For some reason, motherhood seems to be an open invitation for idiocy from those around us-- as if our kids don't keep us fully supplied with *that* on their own... but at least they are children. ;) Always fun to read your posts, Laura.

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  41. Oh man - so been there! :)

    You were one of the most clicked links at last week's #findingthefunny. We're featuring you tomorrow (and I'm pinning this). Thanks for linking up!

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  42. This was definitely hilarious. How about when your baby is like a month old "When are you having the next one?" Like, really? I just had her/him - what the heck kind of machine do you think I am?

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    Replies
    1. I haven't gotten that one (yet!) My daughter is 10 months old so I'm sure I'll start hearing it soon enough.

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  43. Yes, I'm hoping that my baby will have brain damage from all of the crying. CLearly that person has a touch of it herself!!!

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  45. This is hilarious! I have certainly been asked each of these and yes they are so annoying! I am pregnant with my second child and the annoying, "Do you have any weird cravings", pregnancy questions are coming up again. I can't even count how many times I have been asked that!

    http://mysillylifeblog.blogspot.com/

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  46. before I comment, I need to update my weekend reading post to include this, coz this is too hilarious not to share!!

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    Replies
    1. Aw, thank you, Roshni! That's awesome! :)

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  47. okay! Got that done just now!! Phew!! Awesome list of course, which is why I featured it!!! Cannot tell you how many times I've been asked all those questions and how many times I wanted to hit the person over the head!!
    For the record, it is definitely easier as they grow older, no, I am NOT going to be trying for a girl, and I am very happy with my current body, thanks a lot!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much! Glad to hear you say it gets easier as they get older. I only have 11 months of experience as a mom, but I can definitely say it has gotten so much easier already.

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    2. Hi Laura, I just wanted to let you know that I featured your post in 'The best of my weekly reading series for 2012: http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2012/12/the-best-of-the-weekly-reading-series.html

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  48. spot on :) you are going in the right direction :)

    Hail motherhood :D

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