Friday, 7 December 2012

“The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself” (And Car Seat Installation)



They say that what people fear more than anything in this world is public speaking (even ahead of death). To those people for whom public speaking is more terrifying than death, I say,

Clearly you have never installed a car seat.

Because if you had, you would know that this is way more frightening than public speaking (although slightly less frightening than death).

This lucky bastard has never had to install a car seat. Or sit in one.
Want a scary Halloween costume for next year? Dress up as a car seat instruction manual. The kids won’t get it, but you’ll scare the crap out of their parents. And let’s face it, Halloween is for the parents anyway, since we’re the ones who get to stuff our faces with candy without anyone to tell us when we’ve had enough. (Well, my husband tries to tell me when I’ve had enough, but he is well aware of the futility of his efforts.)

Where was I?

Oh right. Car seat instruction manual costume.

Step aside ghosts, goblins and ghouls, I’ve got locking clips, tethers, and side impact protection. 

The acronyms alone are enough to give you an ulcer. LATCH, UAS, CRS, FF, RF…..WTF?

When you go to pre-natal classes, they don’t tell you that you’d be well advised to go and get yourself a quick engineering degree before your baby is born.

Oh well, too late for that now.

Despite the many years my husband and I spent in university getting all smart and edumacated, installing car seats causes us to argue, curse, and long for a simpler time when there were no car seats…or cars. But then I remember that back when there were no cars, there was also no internet, and that is even scarier than car seat installation.

PS. Calling all historical types- if I just completely butchered the quotation in the title, could you please tell me so I can change it and avoid looking like a fool for too long? Thanks.

22 comments:

  1. I think the quote is right and I whole-heartedly agree.

    Which reminds me, I need to check the Police Car Seat clinic to figure out when I should buy my daughter's new seat...so they can install it, of course. :)

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  2. Ha! Too, too true! I am so baffled our car seat and definitely should have gotten that "quick engineering degree". The worst: trying to switch it out of our van and into my MILs while she watches. Ugh!

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    1. So much pressure! My husband has installed it in cabs before. I would never be able to do it, because I'd be so worried that they'd turn the meter on while I was wasting their time trying to level the stupid thing.

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  3. The quotation is right. And thank you for correctly calling it a "quotation" and not a "quote" - quote is a verb, not a noun. A pet peeve of mine.
    Signed,
    - Annoying nonymous commenter who you actually know in real life.

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    1. Yes, I know about your little pet peeve. And, in fact, this actually crossed my mind as I was writing it, and I made sure to write "quotation" (even though I'm sure I regularly use the verb form inappropriately).

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  4. My older sister who has only been a mother 6 weeks longer than me, is a carseat genius. Anytime I need a carseat installed or straps rethreaded for those pesky growth spurts the kids insist on having, I head over to her house and make her do it for me.

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    1. Could I borrow her from time to time?

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    2. Sure! I rent her out for carseat troubleshooting from time to time. LOL

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  5. My kids graduated out of their car seats. Na na na boo boo. Or something like that.

    We'll just go ahead and overlook the high probability that they were improperly installed the entire time they were in them. After all, we only have business degrees.

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  6. Hahaha! Love this one! I definitely feel the same. I have a 3.5 year old and 17-month-old and I have yet to try tackling their seats myself! We try not to move the darn things, but if we need to, it's definitely hubby's job, as the engineer of the family! ;)

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    1. Good thing you have a family engineer. My husband is the "engineer" of the family too (although he's not a real engineer).

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  7. Installing a car seat is horrible. Which is why I leave it to the hubs. The day I had to get a new car because the old one was declared a hazard when I brought it in for servicing, and I had my kid with me, I would have had to tie my son in the backseat with some rope, if I hadn't begged a girlfriend to meet me at the dealer to help with the exchange. So SAD!

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    1. Aaah! That's like my worst nightmare! I had a flat tire one day when I had my daughter with me, and I was freaked out that I'd have to take a cab home and install the car seat in the cab, but thankfully the tire got fixed while I waited.

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  8. Yes!!! The car seat is the worst to get in!!! Why is that? Doesn't matter which kind either--front facing, back facing, infant, toddler. They're all IMPOSSIBLE!!! Four kids and I still don't know how to put in a car seat!

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  9. Ummm yea, I totally agree! We need to flip ours forward now and I've been delaying it out of procrastination fear!

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  10. Ha! I found a place close to our condo that installs car seats, so I just take it to them to worry about. But when I visited my parents, they bought a cheapy car seat and had to install it ahead of time for the trip back to their place from the airport, and I hear my Dad was swearing up a storm. :)

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  11. Hi Laura, in appreciation of my readers and commentors, I posted this today: http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2012/12/top-commentors.html. Do come over and check it out!

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  12. The car seat installation is enough to drive a normally sane person crazy. My father is so sick of putting them into his car/back into our car, he thinks we should do away with all of them. He is in agreement that it was much better in the "good old days" when we didn't have so much "nonsense". Sometimes I see his point.

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  13. Agree! We always go to a specialist after a failed attempt. You think they would make it easy, considering what it is...

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  14. Yep I'll take labour and delivery over car seat installation ANY day!!

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