My daughter recently turned one. Amidst all the celebrating, I started thinking about how the number one is a pretty awesome number. Yes, I’m weird like that. Bear with me.
Imagine how amazing life would be if certain things could happen just once. So I decided to stop imagining and to institute a new rule in our household:
The "Only Once Rule."
The Only Once Rule makes specific demands on all people, pets and inanimate objects in our home.
The dog will be permitted to bark only once to announce that a visitor is at the door, or that he wishes to come in from the backyard. Any further barking is redundant, and serves only to annoy me.
We will attempt to leave the house only once. This attempt will be successful. Always. Oh, and she will only wear one outfit per day. Is that too much to ask?
The husband will need to be told only once to take the garbage out/ put his dishes away etc. And most importantly, this one reminder will actually result in the task being carried out.
I will only nag my husband once when I want him to take the garbage out/put his dishes away etc. Although, I would argue that the reason I need to dole out every-five-minute reminders is because of his reluctance to complete these chores in a timely manner. He would argue that my incessant nagging produces the opposite of its desired effect in that nagging leads to irritation which leads to resentment which leads to “Well, I was going to take the garbage out but now I’m not going to because you’re pissing me off”. He might have a point.
The highchair will need to be cleaned only once. Ever. This way, when I clean it, and experience a glorious sense of satisfaction as though I’d never have to wash it again, I would not be considered delusional.
I am aware that this new rule might be met with some resistance from all those involved. But hey, there’s always next year when we celebrate the Number 2, and I get to make gratuitous poo jokes.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.